You know how it is when you have to explain to your aunt why ‘such a nice woman or man like you’ is still alone, if you can only bring a ‘plus 1’ at a party, if it is your partner, and if the neighbor reassures you without being asked that ‘someone is really there for you’.
People are supposed to move in pairs, that has become clear to you by now, and sleep side by side in a double bed every night. And if not, some people think you should be very sorry, and others say you should enjoy it as a happy single.
The truth about the bachelor life
The truth is, of course – I dare to say that, dear single – that being a single person is as wonderful as it is sad. At times you enjoy your freedom and autonomy.
You can do exactly what you want and have a lot of time for friendships, personal development, and sexy adventures.
And at other times, it can be downright miserable not to have a loved one who always answers the phone when your name is on it, who can receive your love and passion, and whose back you can crawl after a nightmare.
There is a sunny side and a shadow side, and don’t let anyone talk you into not feeling or expressing both sides.
If you only watched romantic movies and listened to love songs, you could almost think that life is only worth living with a loved one almost – because you know better. But then again, you don’t have to ignore love cravings and be the happy bachelor if you don’t feel like it.
The desire for a partner can be very intense. You don’t have to hide that. The desire is simply there and does not need to be resolved. Feel it, look at it without judgment, then space is created around it. You are no longer lived by it. You let it exist, but you no longer exist.
Think back to your love story
Can I remind you? Something you probably also remember when you think back to your own love story? You can also feel very lonely with the two of you. And that is, if you ask me, a greater burden on the soul.
My neighbor, single for nearly thirty years, always says she’s “happily divorced.” Whenever I see her, she sighs how devoted she has become to the silence, being in her own company and only visiting people who want to be with her and who doesn’t get tired to be with her. She hasn’t been lonely since the divorce, but she can sometimes feel alone for a while.
Perhaps you have deliberately been single, widowed, or widower (where you were married or felt) or stepped out or pushed out of a relationship. In all cases, in a society that is designed for couples, shame and self-doubt can arise.
Being alone can feel like a kind of embarrassment as if you have failed in this area. You will not easily talk about that because the shame itself is always shameful. Self-doubt can grow the idea that you are apparently not quite right and that love is not reserved for you.
Shine your light on this
These things, unlike sadness or loneliness, are harmful. I would like to ask you to examine and let go of the feelings of shame and inferiority.
Shine your light on it, dear bachelor! Let them dissolve in the glowing light of your joyous freedom, your strength, and the pride to stand on their own two feet and make something of it. With great respect for the way, you shape your life, currently without a partner.