Relationships often come to an end for various reasons. Do you miss your ex a lot, and is it the other way around? Then maybe you can try again. But before you jump back into a relationship, ask each other these questions first.
There’s a reason either, or both of you chose to end the relationship at some point. There is a good chance that there is still something to discuss. Perhaps the answers to these questions will make it a lot easier for both of you to determine whether it is a good idea to retake the step.
1. Why did the relationship come to an end?
You probably have an idea why your relationship broke up. Still, it doesn’t hurt to hear what the other thinks about this. Although you may have talked about this for hours when the break-up happened, it may just be that the other person thinks differently now.
In any case, the bottom line is that you both must have the same view of the break-up before you try again. If your ex thinks they broke up because you already wanted to get married, but you think they broke up because your communication didn’t work, things aren’t going well.
2. What did you learn during the time you were apart?
Make sure this question doesn’t come across as offensive. You do not want the other person to feel that he or she has to conjure up three diplomas and proof of purchase of a huge villa.
No, you want to know how the other person thinks about relationships right now and other things that can affect your relationship. When answering this question, be open about what you have learned. After all, open communication is one of the essential things in a healthy relationship.
3. What would you have done differently in your relationship?
Again, be careful not to point fingers at this question. You want to understand how the other person feels about your previous relationship, so you both don’t make the same mistakes. Even if your relationship ended very happily, you still want to know if things the other person might have done differently.
4. What do you wish to have done differently in your relationship?
If you ask your ex what he or she would have done differently in your relationship, it’s only fair that it includes your actions. This is not a way for the other person to mention what you have done wrong. On the contrary, it is only a way of solving problems and discussing what remains to be discussed.
5. What issues do we still need to work on?
This could be anything from minor disagreements about doing the dishes to whether the other person ever wants children. By asking this question, you know where you both have to work and what problems you may now go back to face. Who knows, by the way, there might not be any problems you need to work on, which is only good news.
6. Has your life changed since you came out?
The chances are slim that you will hear that the other person’s life has been completely ruined since you broke up (even if you secretly want to hear that). No, the purpose of this question is to determine if there might have been things about the other person causing your relationship not to go well. Perhaps there were specific issues that your ex struggled with that he or she managed to resolve after the break-up.
7. Are you open to working on past problems?
Where there is a will, there is a way. That sounds logical, but it’s a crucial part when determining whether you and your ex will try again. No relationship is perfect, and there must have been plenty of reasons why it broke up in the first place. But as long as you’re both open to working on this, it might be an excellent choice to try again.
8. What does an ideal relationship look like to you?
This is an excellent question to ask at the beginning of any relationship anyway. Knowing what the other person finds vital in a relationship gives you a clear picture of what to expect. Now it doesn’t have to be that your expectations are the same. But as long as you know what the other person thinks is important, you know what you might need to work on.