All people are ashamed of something – this is absolutely normal. Thanks to shame, we listen to ourselves, understand the reasons for our feelings of guilt. Do you often feel guilty? Probably often. We decided to understand the maze of underlying feelings of guilt and shame. And give good advice about this
Guilt and shame: what exactly shouldn’t be ashamed?
Feelings of guilt and shame are normal feelings that have arisen due to the development of culture. However, sometimes these feelings interfere with our life. We are confused by things that are not reprehensible. Such situations often cause psychological disturbances. Therefore, it is necessary to combat unjustified feelings of guilt and shame. Next, we will analyze 15 cases when we have nothing to be embarrassed about.
Problems with clothes
We often watch the heroines change costume after costume, from series to series trying on new images and dresses in TV shows. Women don’t hesitate to pamper themselves with new luxury shoes and evening wear. But life is not like it is in the movies.
Our budget is planned out, and a responsible person will not waste money on disproportionately expensive things. This makes us ashamed of old clothes. But if you wear clean and comfortable clothes, then you have nothing to be embarrassed about. And even if you only have a pair of jeans and a T-shirt in your wardrobe, these are still good, high-quality things. The best option: a wardrobe, which has everything you need and uses every day.
Did you see an arrow crawling on your stockings or a button on your jacket came off? Even this is not a cause for shame! What’s so terrible happened? Afraid of the inappropriate reaction of people? The fear that they will point fingers at us drags along with us from childhood. But in adulthood, it’s time to get rid of this complex. Most likely, people won’t even notice it. And they certainly will not condemn.
The first attempts at writing
Feel guilty for not getting things right the first time? And you are not always at your best in new endeavors? The “first pancake is lumpy” rule is an adequate vision of reality. And there is nothing wrong with the first attempts of the pen – albeit unsuccessful – no.
You learn, and learning is a trial, error, and only then, finally, the expected success. It is impossible to immediately turn into a first-class specialist, a virtuoso musician, or an excellent culinary specialist. It will take some time, perhaps even several years, to hone your skills.
You have a long way to learn from your own mistakes and improve your skills. But this is a normal process! Remember: “Kung Fu masters are not born; they become.”
Playing sports in front of everyone
Are you shy about going to the gym? Does it bother you that you have to practice next to other people? Yes, this happens quite often. It is extremely difficult to maintain a perfect appearance if you are exercising or relaxing on the beach. Instagram and all these pictures processed in a photo editor have significantly shaken the confidence of many girls.
But people are not perfect. It’s okay to be natural. Of course, you need to follow the rules of courtesy, but why go too far? And by the way, the people around you who are passionate about the treadmill or barbell look no better than you.
Admitting failure or wrongness
Life is a series of black and white stripes, mistakes and correct answers, failures, and successes. In the entire history of humankind, no one has managed to live a life without making a single mistake. As you can see, there is nothing to be ashamed of. On the contrary, admitting that something did not work out, did not go according to plan will help you move on and not stand in one place.
Yes, it is not easy to admit to friends and loved ones that you have made a mistake or failed in a responsible business. But they will not condemn you: a loved one will always understand and support you.
Yes, admitting that you are wrong is hard, morally difficult, but necessary. It’s like admitting a mistake: you can improve and develop yourself by admitting that you are wrong. Only strong and just people can ask for forgiveness, see their wrong. But insisting on your only correct position always and everywhere is a sign of a fragile ego and weak self-esteem.
You should learn to get rid of false shame, admit a wrong position, and not defend your – albeit incorrect – point of view with foam at the mouth so as not to hit your face in the mud.
We somehow immediately get used to doing everything ourselves!
And this is true. Maybe it’s the language, or perhaps the upbringing, but sometimes we are ashamed to ask for help or accept it.
Why do we find ourselves in difficult situations? There are various reasons for this. Some circumstances are beyond our control. And asking for help, especially from loved ones, is not at all ashamed. After all, today they help you, and tomorrow you are helping your friends and relatives. Maybe it will make the world kinder, better and cleaner.
Postponement of higher education
There is an unwritten rule in our society: if you graduate from school, go and get a diploma. And not getting a diploma right after school is a shame. But this approach is wrong. Can a person who has just graduated from school unequivocally decide what he wants to do next? Unlikely. It usually takes time to decide on a different professional path. There is no need to feel guilty for taking a break, deciding to study the labor market, popular professions, or choosing your field.
And education requires financial investments, knowledge of foreign languages, preparation for exams. And this also takes time. After all, this is a responsible choice – for life!
Lack of relationship
It seems strange, but many people are ashamed that they have no relationship, family, children. There is a social stereotype that a person should have a family by a certain age. But you can’t put everyone in a “Procrustean bed.” Each person is unique – with his path through life.
So psychologists advise you to stop worrying about it. Is it good for you alone? This is normal! Marriage is a serious thing, and you definitely shouldn’t rush here.
By the way, the same goes for striving to be happy 24/7. Modern culture makes people happy. Smiles from ear to ear, words about a positive attitude towards life, optimism – all these pressures people from all sides. But let’s be honest: you can’t be optimistic non-stop. It’s okay to be sad, reflect on life from time to time, or be in a neutral mood.
Eating unfashionable food
Fashion exists not only in clothing but also in food. But there are classic dishes, simple, delicious – as normal as wearing classic clothes. This is something that never goes out of style. But Instagram rules require you to take photos with all sorts of newfangled delights? Individual dishes and general style of food – everything is adjusted to the trend.
Today, proper nutrition and a healthy lifestyle have become painful hobbies for many girls. In the end, what do we have? For example, exacerbation of Qrthorexia Nervosa- Feelings of shame for the meals eaten that do not fit into the healthy diet concept. It’s okay if you suddenly want pizza, fries, or a juicy steak. What is there to be ashamed of? Sometimes your body knows better what it needs at a given moment. And it’s not always a vegetable salad and smoothie.
Not knowing the facts
The wise ancient Greek philosopher Socrates once said:
“I know that I do not know anything”
Indeed, it is impossible to know absolutely everything. Every day there is a lot of new information. Large amounts of data are forcing people to choose narrow specializations. A Ph.D. who has a Ph.D. in theoretical physics may not have any knowledge of gardening.
But that doesn’t mean he should be ashamed of it. After all, he is in his place. And not knowing some things about growing grapes does not diminish his merits in string theory, for example.
The same goes for not knowing all the intricacies of table etiquette. You are used to a spoon, fork, and knife, for example. And in Asia, they eat with chopsticks. In India – by hand. Each culture has its traditions, and it is normal not to know them. It’s so interesting to learn new things and acquire new skills!
Visting a store without making a purchase
It often happens that we go to a store and do not buy anything. For some reason, this also causes a feeling of shame! This leads to the fact that you have to make unnecessary purchases – just so as not to leave the store empty-handed.
And if the sellers were polite, talked about the goods, so the feeling of guilt goes off the scale! But do not be embarrassed: this is their job, a marketing move. So it’s worth to thank the seller and take a peaceful bow.
Grunt while laughing? Well, this is cute! Why be ashamed of this? Besides, a good, sincere laugh is a guarantee of longevity. This truth has already proved itself more than once in practice.
Laughing at a good joke is pleasant and fun; laughter signifies joy and a good mood. Do not hesitate to let go of yourself sometimes and laugh heartily.
Men’s love for flowers
For too long, we have been held captive by stereotypes and prejudices. Men should be harsh, cold, strong. And the woman – wearing pink, standing by the stove and crying over TV shows. But now, gender equality is slowly being recognized by society.
Men and women can choose jobs and hobbies to their liking and not follow the standards set by someone outside. But there are still things that men are ashamed to do: for example, watch romantic comedies or love flowers. Although what’s so embarrassing?
Sleeping with stuffed toys
Especially if you are an adult, mature person, you can be accused of being childish. The shame for the love of stuffed toys is the opinion that such a habit is compromising in front of others.
But in reality, others do not care about your “skeletons in the closet.” So you can safely watch children’s cartoons, collect superhero figures and sleep with soft toys.
Return of the dish to the restaurant
Incidents are everywhere. And even the most expensive and luxurious restaurant is no exception. For example, they mixed up the orders and brought you the wrong dish that you wanted. Sometimes the food lacks some ingredients or vice versa; they are put in when it is unnecessary.
The dish is too fried or, on the contrary, not cooked enough. Anything can happen. Perhaps it’s just that the dish isn’t tasty, smells or looks bad, you are allergic to some food, etc. These are all good reasons to send food back. Are you afraid of conflict? Of course, it is unpleasant to return the dish.
But there is nothing objectionable or impolite about this. By the way, fear of pointing out a mistake to another person is a sign of social phobia. Therefore, it is worth developing self-confidence, getting rid of feelings of guilt and unnecessary shame.
Remember all those endless stories about your mom’s friend’s son? Sometimes it happens that other people’s children seem perfect to us, and we begin to point out our own child’s flaws more sharply. But there is no such thing as a perfect person.
Today, parents try to “train” their child in every way: clubs, hobbies, foreign languages… The ideal child is considered intellectually and artistically developed, not by age smart, a child prodigy. It is necessary that children who are already five years were fully developed individuals, those little Einstein.
But in Japan, for example, there is a more liberal approach to raising children. That is, there are different approaches to upbringing. And maybe sometimes you should let the child be … a child? Ideal children – proof of your worth as a parent. But we are not taking our child to the exhibition; it’s a little personality learning the world by trial and error.
And for the sake of the child’s happiness, we can sacrifice the desire to impress the neighbors, right?